Regrets and Hearthbreaks
by Aquila47
Summary: How Edith and Bertie coped with the break-up, leading to the meeting at the Ritz. Please indulge me, English is not my first language. Never wrote a fan fiction before neither, but I had to put down this little story that was in my head since the xmas finale.
1. Regrets and Heartbreaks

Finally alone and on his way to London, Bertie felt numb. The slow motion of the train and the landscape going by slowly before his eyes helped him gather his thoughts. What a dreadful day so far...

So many emotions. He was however so hopeful this morning. He woke up engaged to the woman he loved and respected so much. What a wonderful life he and Edith were going to have. He was already quite confident when he arrived at Downton Abbey. He was sure Edith was reticent to accepted his proposal due to his situation as a simple agent. Now that he had inherit such a big estate and title, nothing will restrain her to say yes.

So little he knew of the real reason of her hesitation. "Marigold is my daughter", with only these few words did she made all the happiness in his life disappeared. A shameful confession her sister made her admit other breakfast. He then knew that he couldn't marry her. Not that the fact that she had a child out of wedlock made her less precious to his eyes, but he felt so hurt and betrayed. It is not what he expected of his future wife.

How could she not trust him with what must be her biggest secret? She didn't love him enough to tell him, she didn't trust him. What else can she has left out? He felt also quite angry. She and her family made him feel like a fo'ol. They all knew, but they all preferred not to tell him, they let the pathetic Bertie in the dark.

The only thing he could do was leaving. Even that wasn't easy, the walk towards the car felt like eternity, part of him wanted to stop and turned back, but it was also quite impossible to forget the deceit at this time. He was determined, he will not marry Edith, he will most probably never see her again. His heart sunk at this idea and it made him so sad. He begun to remember all the wonderful time they shared : their fist dance, their first kiss, the delight in her eyes when he proposed... Maybe she did love him... But then why didn't she tell him...

For his part, he never loved somebody so much before, and he knew that it will take time to get over it... He was quite mad about her... He must be quite mad now also, still thinking about her even after her deception. He has to forget her, but it wasn't so simple right now, he still felt the warms of her lips from the day before, the smell of her perfume while they sat on the sofa in London seconds before he proposed. How is he supposed to go to Tangier, pay homage to his cousin, arrange a service, become the next marquees of Hexham when he was such a wreckage inside. He will have to face his family, his friends, the all world like nothing had happen, when his soul was in pieces. He wondered how long he will have to endure this torture.

Oh, How everything was so easier this morning when he woke up... How easier his life would have been with Edith at his side. To make his long journey to Tangier less painful he decided to let this bitter sweet thought take over him, at least for the time being.-

It will be soon three weeks since Bertie and Edith broke off the engagement, and even if she was still quite sad, she was resolute to go forward in life. She had been in London for some days now to prepare the last details of her plan : she will now live and work in London while Marigold will go to school.

-"Good morning Lady Edith, how was the meeting with the advertisers yesterday" asked jovially Mrs. Edmonds as soon as Edith enter the office of the "Sketch"

-"Very well, they are extremely pleased. The sells are increasing each month and they are really happy of the work we are doing so far."

-"That's really nice to ear, I will relay this to everybody".

-"How are you doing with the next issue, more ideas?"

-"The next issue is almost complete, but what do you say about expending Mrs. Cassandra Jones column next month, could you have a word with hmmm "her" ? Wondered Mrs. Jones playfully.

-"I surely can" answer Edith with the same malice in her voice.

-"Are you staying in London or are you going back today? If you have nothing planned tonight, some of the girls are going to have a drink after work to celebrate Audrey engagement, do you want to come?"

-"What a wonderful idea, of course I will come".

-"Perfect, it will be at Rules, around 7"

A slight sadness cross her eyes at the mention of the place but she quickly regain her posture, smiled at Mrs. Edmonds and bid farewell. She then spend the rest of the afternoon like she's been doing the last couple of weeks, keeping busy with planning her life away from Downton.

She then met her employees at Rules. She didn't bother to change, these ladies where quite simple and themselves came straight from work.

She never came back to Rules after the failed first date with Bertie. She felt quite melancholic for a moment, but decided it wasn't the time to feel sad. They were here to celebrate a happy announcement. Life was going on.

They were all quite happy, talking work, life, and gossiping away. Edith was outside of her comfort some, but she began to get used to it.

After a while Mrs. Edmonds took Edith aside, two drinks in the hand:

\- "Are you feeling OK, you seem quite distant this evening?" Asked Mrs. Edmonds while giving one glass to Edith.

\- "Am-I? Well I suppose it's this place, it remind me of somebody..." Answered Edith evasively. - "Ooh I see... Well a broken heart is not so easily reparable..."

\- "What? What do you mean?" Asked Edith shyly sipping from her drink.

-"Well it's quite obvious that you still aren't over Bertie. I can see you try to cover it, but you are not the first one it happened to."

At these words Edith let down her wall and for the first time since the break-up, confess her distress to somebody else. Without giving away the details of her secret, Edith revealed to Mrs. Edmonds why she couldn't find the courage to tell her secret to Bertie. How afraid she was of Bertie despising her and living her, if and when he would found out the truth. She wasn't afraid of her family discover it, even less her sister, she didn't care that she will think less of her. But she couldn't bear the look of deception on Bertie face.

Of course she waited too long, it was her fault. But having him breaking with her so quick after he found out the truth, seeing him living to take his train without a single look back to her, it scrolled up all the previous heartbreaks she had in her life.

Sir Anthony living her at the altar, Michael disappearing without a trace. How could a man so sweet, so sure of himself and so in love with her, do the exact thing she dread he will do if she told him her secret.

He said that he could not marry somebody he couldn't trust or trusted him, but it was never a question of trust, only shame and weakness ... She would have like to find the words, have time to explain herself, but he left and it was quite impossible now.

-"Are you sure there is no hope of him coming back" asked Mrs. Edmonds trying to sound hopeful .

-"I'm afraid not. In the beginning I had this wild dream, that he will surprise me at the office or the apartment, telling me that all was forgotten, wanting me back... But I know now that it is all but a dream. I know he is back from Tangier now. He must certainly concentrate in is new duties. With time he will find a wife, a respectable one without any flaws like me, he will be happy..."

Mrs. Edmonds looked at Edith with sympathy:

-"Don't despair..."

-"... Oh no I won't don't worry, cut Edith with a smile... I haven't before and I will not now".

[I have an another chapter almost finish, hope to have it ready tomorrrow]


	2. A new Hope

An another morning, an another wretched day.

It was with this thought that Bertie stood up that morning. The sun was barely up, leaving a beautiful pink color on the Brancaster castle. He felt so cold and wanted to stay in bed, maybe all morning if he could. He didn't enjoyed waking up lately, and he knew why. Edith was and is still on his mind. The sorrow was still to much to bear. He put the thought back in his mind and wake up anyway, feeling all the sadness of the world on his shoulders while he dressed up. It was early, but he had many things to do that day.

At breakfast he began to go through a bunch of letters and legal paper. He was quite choked to find out one month has passed since the death of his cousin Peter. For him the days passed so slowly, and he felt like a ghost, a shadow of himself. Well one month since he and Edith broke off, what a pity life he had since.

Nevertheless, he enjoyed thinking about his Edith on that morning, her sweetness when he had to deal with the death of his cousin, how beautiful she was that aftenoon on the park with her umbrella. It made him happy for a time, but the feeling didn't last because he knew it was only memories and they were fading away. Would he forget her face one day, the sound of her voice, what she wear on their first date or the color of her eyes. He wondered also if she still was thinking about him. She felt so sad when he broke off with her, but still was sweet to him, wishing him all the best in the future.

The thought of reaching to her had become more and more real to him these past couple of days, but he had no clue how to act. If he was brave enough, he would seek her out in Downton or London, tell her everything was forgotten and sweep her off her feet. But he knew this only happen in books or movies. He could write or telephone, but he never felt very eloquent and only simple words come to his mind, not really what to make a lady fall for him all over again.

But one month passed and it was pretty urgent to him to write such a letter. Just as he was going to fetch a paper, the telephone rang. "Lady Mary Talbot on the phone for you, my lord" announced his butler. After some time he asked : "My lord, should I tell her you see busy?"

It took Bertie a little while to wake up from his stupor. "No... I'm coming..."

\- "Lady Mary, how can I help you?"

\- "Actually I'm here to help you, at least I hope"

\- "I don't..."

\- "I want to right a wrong by arranging a dinner between you and my sister in London. I know I'm not quite innocent to my sister misery, but I also know by experience that the worse two people in love can do, is to let fear and past mistakes dictate their action. The only question that you should asked yourself is : do I want to spend my life with or without her, the rest is details. Anyway, I never was convinced it was other between you too."

\- "Has she talked about me lately?" managed to ask Bertie

\- "I know my sister well enough to be able to interpret her silence when it come to her love life. But even then, I don't know if she will accept to meet you in private, she's quite proud and has been hurt before. That's why I booked a table for too at the Ritz, and asked Aunt Rosamund to play along and invite Edith for dinner. It will be at 8:00. I do hope you would come."

\- "Actually..."

\- "Of course I don't want to force your hand, and if you decide not to come, Edith will still have a nice dinner with my aunt and will know nothing of our plan. But I hope you will at least consider it. With that I have to left you, I wish you a pleasant day. Bye."

Bertie hang up the phone quite stoned. Every thing went so fast, he didn't have time to think, or talk for that matter. Did he heard right, a chance to meet Edith in London? He began to see hope of a better life, a life with Edith. But will he be able to win her back? He didn't know but he had to try. And he had a long jounrey on the train to practice his speech.


	3. Chapter 3 - sweet moments

_Oh Bertie,_ _what_ _are you doing to me ?_ Edith was quite taken aback by what the man sitting across her at the famous Ritz was confessing. _The only thing I'm not prepared is a life without you_. It was quite simple, but so endearing. Like Bertie himself. He never made any fuss about his feeling, he wanted to be with her... Even now, even with Marigold by her side.

-"Can it be so simple... ?" did she say almost to herself.

-"The situation is maybe not ideal and could cause pain to a lot of people, but life is not suppose to be easy or perfect. They will always be challenge and obstacles on the way. The only thing that should matter is: do you want to spend your life with me and go through these challenge together?"

She didn't know how long she stayed there silently, trying to make sense of all that happened tonight. At last Bertie asked, worryingly :

-"Are you still so angry at me ? Please say something..."

 _So_ _sweet Bertie, so unsure of himself sometimes, like the fist time he proposed and thought I was offended._

-"How could I be angry at you, you are the best thing that happen in my life lately. I did love you when proposed the first time, I love you tonight and will love you all the days to come... Yes, I do want to marry you Bertie, I do want to spend my life with you by my side."

Bertie released a big sight of relief and simultaneously a smile appeared on his face, a smile so endearing that Edith couldn't not smile in return. Feeling a little foolish for a second, she took her champagne class and asked for a toast. They had many think to cheer for.

Then they finally ordered dinner and begun chit-chatting about Edith time in London, Tangier and cousin Peter memorial service.

-"By the way, how was Mary and Henrys weeding ? ", enquired Bertie

-"Oh, very nice, it was such a great day. Sommer weddings are anyway always beautiful…"

\- "I do hope we will not have to wait until next summer for ours. Excuse me if I sound impatient, but I feel we lost already so much precious time you and me."

Edith blush at the mere idea to be married to this adorable man.

-"Well, II don't think we can arrange it in a week like Mary did. But winter weddings can be quite romantic. What about Christmas, with all the decorations still on."

-"That's a plan ! We should announce the engagement as soon as possible. Do you have anything planned this week -end ? Maybe you can accompany me to Brancaster, you will meet my mother and we can have an engagement dinner, let's say on Monday ? We also have to invite your parents"

-"You weren't joking when you said you didn't wanted to waste any time!"

-"I'm just really looking forward to have you all for myself all the time." replied Bertie with a malicious smile.

Edith blushed at the idea of sleeping next to her man and waking up in his arms.

\- "I'm looking forward to go back to Brancaster, _did she say trying to change the subject_. I had such a great time there the last time. Me and Mary both, we will never thank enough Lord Sinderby to have invited you and Henry at that shooting party. Did you know that he almost rescind your invitation due to Henry sudden appearance ? "

-"Oh no I didn't, how lucky! I will have to send Lord Sinderby a nice letter and tell him that he is welcome to come and shoot anytime he wished."

\- "Our meeting in London was also quite lucky..."

-" Well I have something to confess... I wad kind of looking for you in London. You did told me that you owed a magazine, I checked where you were located and I wad hoping each time I was in London to bump into you. I was even planning to find a way to go to Downton for business."

\- "My oh my, so I'm not the only one with secrets. I didn't know that I made such an impression on you?"

-"Well, it wasn't immediate, I just kept thinking about you the months after our meeting, how nice you were to me. People tend to take pity of me and are never quite interested about what I have to say. But you did genuinely inquired about me and my work, you were never talking down on me or just politely making the conversation. All felt very natural. And I felt quite lucky that a lady as beautiful as you were even slightly interested in me. I normally don't ask women I just met once for a drink, but I felt that if I didn't push my luck a little bit that day in London, I would have regret it for a long time to come."

\- "I'm very happy you took this chance. You did quite an impression on me that night, when you offered to help me with my magazine. Not many people I know will have done that."

"Well, it wasn't a selfless act, I simply wanted to spend the evening with you".

They then finish their meal and decided to call it for the day. They would meet again the day after and will have a nice train ride to talk more about marriage and future.

-"I think I will call my parents tonight, said Edith while they were walking towards the wardrobe, they will be so delighted and will have to prepare early if they want to meet us at Brancaster."

As Bertie helped her put on her coat, he took her slightly on the side and kissed her passionately.

-"You have no idea how long I have waited to be able to do that this evening" said Bertie, his head still resting on Edith's. She took his face in her hands and gave him an another passionate kiss, feeling at least that the puzzle that was her life taking finally a beautiful shape.

They called a cab for both of them, and while waiting arms around each other, Bertie reflected on his journey :

"How strange life can be. These past weeks I thought my merrier days were over, and suddenly tonight I'm the happiest I have ever been." Edith, understanding exactly what Bertie was feeling, buried herself even more in his arms.

 _Since I felt quite angry at Fellowes to not have written the end of the dinner between Bertie and Edith, I had to write my own version._

 _It wasn't so easy and, again, sorry about my poor English, any help is welcome. Please fell free to comment or criticize._

 _I have a plan for a new and original Bedith story, involving Sir Richard Carlisle, I hope it won't take to long to Write. Maybe I will have to watch season 2 again._


End file.
